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"Beneath the makeup and behind the smile I am just a girl who wishes for the world."
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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

woe is me; a personal story

It's been a rough week or so.  My car got broken into and someone broke into my house- while I was in it.  I borrowed a truck from my dad and it stalled in an intersection at 11:30 at night when I was getting off work and NO ONE stopped to help me as I sat helpless and dangerously in oncoming traffic while drunk guys from the club just stared at me.  Our plumbing went out so I couldn't shower for 3 days (thank goodness for dry shampoo).  And I'm withdrawing from years dependent on an SSRI to keep my anxiety at bay. 

The last one scares me the most.  With one white little pill I felt like everything would be okay.  But that little pill that I so treasured for so long feels like poison leaving my body.  My heart starts pounding, my vision suddenly escapes me with no notice, and it feels like my brain is moving freely inside my head- but the show must go on.  They talk about chemical imbalances of serotonin and dopamine, reuptake inhibitors, neurotransmitters and synaptic clefts and while I understand the science behind it all, [shit, I studied it for 4 years], I need to face the reality of it all.  And the reality is, taking it was an easy way for me to "face" my anxiety, "relax" my heart, and "conquer" years of unhealthy eating habits.

While this topic is a little serious compared to my other posts, I feel it's something I should put out there, in case anyone else is going through it, or knows someone who is, and to just get it off my chest.  I feel better already! And so I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Plato:

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." 

6 comments:

Marissa said...

Hang in there!! :)

Becoming Prep said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Britt said...

How traumatic to have someone break into your house! I'm glad everything seems to be picking up a bit. My heart goes out to you with the anxiety thing. Many people close to me have dealt with extreme anxiety. You can conquer it my dear!

Becoming Prep said...

That sounds like an awful time. People should always remember that others may be going through a rough time that they're not sharing. Stay strong!

Miss Southern Prep said...

I am so sorry! It sounds like you've had a rough time lately! Hope you're doing better!

alongkindoflove said...

Just popped onto your blog from Britt's blog..
I can't even tell you HOW much I relate to the withdrawal of anxiety meds. I had been on those lovely little pills for seven years and finally weaned off them. It was horrible experience getting through those symptoms but I have to tell you - I am doing really well now, and it was worth getting off of them.
I am thinking of you!!

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